GOVERNOR GENERAL OF CANADA

My Dear Sovereign Queen,

This may come a busy time for you, what with the election in the offing and the exciting entertainment of the political debates. I too am embroiled in important busyness; the opposition wants pieces of paper about past events in some out of the way country; they are hot on the trail of the abortion debate, I recently dismissed a member of my caucus, and our parliament buildings are badly in need of repair.

These are distractions from important matters such as the state of our economy, and that brings me to the purpose of this e-mail. As an aside, I hope you are not offended by e-mails. It is true they lack the class of embossed stationary but they are efficient and they save on postage. We are looking for ways to reduce our budget deficit and the contract with your representative in Canada expires soon.

Your gentle and benevolent oversight of Canada has been much appreciated. It can probably continue via U tube and other modern conveniences for keeping an eye on what is going on in the world. We are almost 150 years old and are at a stage of economic and social development where we can stand on our own, unassisted.

My suggestion is that if you have a strong desire to have an on site representative, that you make the appointment and take care of all of the arrangements including salaries etc. etc.
I am sure that we could work out a satisfactory rental arrangement if you wished to have your representative continue to reside in and work from Rideau Hall.

I assure you that information appearing in wikipedia has had no bearing on my present emphasis on economizing. It is true that an irate taxpayer wrote to me recently in a flap about US paying for YOUR representative when you are so wealthy. The taxpayer even provided a quote from wikipedia:
"Both the Crown Estate and the Crown Land of Canada (comprising 89%[69] of Canada's area) are owned by the Sovereign in trust for the nation, and cannot be sold or owned by Elizabeth in a private capacity."

What is disturbing about the quote is that if I add in the % of Canada claimed by our first nations peoples we seem to be vastly over owned. Just goes to show you that it is wise to be somewhat hesitant in viewing Wikipedia as more reliable than our trusted advisors.

Naturally you will have some concern with maintaining the cohesion of the 16 nation Commonwealth. A facebook page might solve the problem, but a facebook page with only 16 friends would probably rank as lacking in friends. If the various Commonwealth countries required all their civil servants to become your friends that would surely vault you to the all time record for friends but of course would be entirely unwieldy. You might consider some to be unsavory characters. In my view the mid ground would be to just have MP's, Senators and Chief Justices as friends, although that still would not rule out unsavory characters.

I look forward to your reply, e-mail is OK, and in the meantime I have suspended all speculation regarding a possible new governor general.

With warm regards and curtsies,
Steve